Find Out What Motivates Your Kids
A Farmington-area parent educator says parents should not be 'homework police'.
Photos
All kids are motivated, they are just not motivated to do what we want them to do. We, as parents, have to figure out the payoff. Children may have self-esteem issues such that they would rather not try, than to try and not measure up to someone’s expectations.
There may be a peer issue, which usually consists of fitting in and being one of the group. For example, a gifted kid may “dumb down” so the others don’t think he is a showoff or smarty pants.
A child may find a curriculum is too easy, and there doesn’t seem to be any point in doing the work. On the other hand, if it is too hard, the child may just give up. So, we have to figure out what is motivating the child.
We should also take a look at homework, which can be an explosive issue with parents. The teacher who assigns the homework is responsible to check it and require it to be turned in. If homework is done incorrectly or not turned in, it is the teacher's job to impose a consequence.
Our job as parents is to provide a suitable area and quiet time to do the homework.
Nothing good ever comes from being the homework police. Nagging breeds resentment, which ruins our relationship with our children. Just tell your kids that you wouldn’t want to go to school without your homework. If they want to tell their teachers they didn’t feel like doing it, they can go right ahead. Tell the kids to let you know how that works out for them.
A parent can encourage with extrinsic motivation and hopefully, being successful will turn in to intrinsic motivation. Kids feel good when they are successful and will want that to continue.
Nancy Serlin designed and had been teaching a science program for pre-schoolers for the past 28 years. She received both her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from the University of Michigan and is a parenting specialist who does private consulting work. She has facilitated parenting classes in the Farmington Public Schools and other local districts. She has been a featured speaker at conferences, on television and radio.
Stephanie Zimmerman
12:47 pm on Monday, June 27, 2011
Wow. I really disagree. It is a parent's job to teach their children responsibility. Teachers, especially at the middle school level, do not have the time to monitor/motivate students to do homework. Often, by the time the parent becomes aware there is an issue regarding missed work, or the failure of the student to understand concepts, the student is too far behind, making it even more discouraging for the student to catch up. Worse, if parents aren't involved and helping their children organize and coordinate schedules, it will be much more difficult for the student in high school. I would love to see how middle school educators would receive this article.
Jerry Kaplan
4:02 pm on Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Stephanie. I think you and Nancy agree that it is the parent's job to teach their children responsibility. Nancy maintains that parents should do that by allowing kids to suffer the consequences of being irresponsible. You seem to maintain that parents should do that by assuming responsibility for their children. The problem with the latter is that children then expect and depend upon their parents to "remind", "cajole" or even demand that they do their work. Who do they become angry at over homework? The teacher? Many homes become "war zones" over schoolwork. Nancy's thesis, however, allows for parents to become involved and to help children organize and coordinate. The lifelong lesson needs to be responsibility. You will not be with your child in college.
Lisa Barry
7:16 pm on Monday, June 27, 2011
I think the point Nancy is making that it is our job as parents to teach kids to be responsible for themselves and
face the consequences of not doing it from the teacher. Not that the teacher has to do anything "extra." It's the students' grade and future based on that grade so they need to learn to be responsible for it themselves....hopefully in grade school so they know how to be organized by High School. Homework is a tough one. The Los Angeles school board is just now implementing a new plan to make homework only account for 10 percent of a student's grade.
Mary Burck
10:08 pm on Monday, June 27, 2011
I did what the writer said and it worked for me.