How to Squeeze Another Day Out of Fourth of July Weekend: 5 Excuses to Miss Work

Disclaimer: We’re not really advising that you lie to squeeze one more day out of the long Fourth of July weekend. Lying is wrong. So we can’t recommend it.

But if you were to concoct some a story – and again, we’re not saying you should – to skip out on work Monday, here are five no-fail excuses to miss work, according to BBC:

1. Claim you were invisible. You’re registered for a big symposium halfway across the state Monday, but you’ve been partying with the Yoopers all weekend and won’t be back on the Lower Peninsula until about three hours before you have to leave. Do what Caroline Zelonka did and find a hotel with a similar name – the Holiday Inn versus the Holiday Inn Express might work – and claim that you showed up, but they’d never heard of you or the symposium. Zelonka claims it worked like a charm.

2. Disgust them with stories of throwing up and other involuntary body secretions. Feigning food poisoning is a good excuse because it usually, er, passes within 24 hours and you probably won’t be required to get a doctor’s excuse, says Jennifer Miller. She also says that if your boss is a guy, using the words “ovary” or “uterus” in a discussion about your ailments get you a free pass.

3. Mother Nature messed with you. Julie Hume claimed a typhoon broke her windows. That probably won’t work in Michigan, but you can always say you visited the East Coast and were menaced by Hurricane Andrew. Be sure you know how this turns out; if Andrew fizzles, you can always say you’ve never been through a hurricane before, so you bunkered down for a few days.

Tell Us:

• If you’re a boss, what’s the most creative – or the most lame – excuse you ever heard. If you’re the excuse giver, what was your best story?

4. Don’t kill someone off. Besides it being a generally bad idea, an anonymous contributor pointed out, most obituaries are now published online and easily checked. It’s better to claim you’re sick than grief stricken.

5. Be honest. Now, there’s a concept. “If you feel the need to lie about it, just don’t,” Marie Stein advises. “Just say you need a day or took a day for personal reasons.” You don’t have to say it’s because you’re hungover.

Just don’t hatch a plan to miss work with four other friends and divide these excuses among yourselves.That’ll look suspicious.